The last time someone called me a bitch—and yes, it has happened many times on social media—I was sent into a complete identity crisis.
Before then, the only people who had called me this were, I assumed, racist bots or anti-Christian lunatics. So their messages saying things like “Black bitch” or “stupid Christian bitch” didn’t faze me. I’d just block them and move on.
But one day, a girl told me that I would be seen as a bitch if I unfollowed her, and that sent me spiraling into confusion.
Quick backstory here: I looked up one day and realized I was following thousands of people I didn’t even know, or whose content I simply didn’t like anymore, so I went on an unfollowing spree.
One of the people I unfollowed messaged me—almost three minutes later, so it was pretty creepy already—and asked why I had unfollowed her.
I told her the truth. I wanted to consume less content, and what she posted just wasn’t related to my interests anymore.
She, in turn, told me I should follow her back. And without giving me a chance to respond, she sent another message, this time a long one, explaining that because we had met in person once, and because I had spoken at her event, it was social etiquette for us to continue following each other until the end of time. (Those weren’t her exact words, but I’m conveying the message.)
And she ended her DM with the most thoughtful, caring, big-sisterly advice she could think of:
“I just don’t want you to be seen as a bitch, you know?”
I didn’t know.
I was confused. And at the time, I was already so over social media that the whole thing pushed me even further toward taking what eventually became an almost two-year break offline. I don’t think I had it in me anymore to keep up with all the social media rules.
Recently, an associate told me that my actions were weird, too. I told her that I needed to unfollow people I compared myself to, or people whose content I simply didn’t like consuming, and she said it would be weird because I’d followed and unfollowed some of these people before.
And this part, I did get.
I do think it’s a bit strange to follow someone for a while, unfollow them, follow them again, and then unfollow them again. I mean, writing it out sounds like a lot anyway.
And yet…I don’t care when people do it to me.
There are people who follow me in seasons depending on the topics of my content, and I’ve never taken offense. Maybe you like me when I’m talking about travel but couldn’t care less when I start talking about books. Maybe you love the creative stuff and disappear when I’m talking about something else. That makes sense to me.
I was telling my therapist about all of this—how I’ve always felt like the weird person because there are so many things people seem to care about, these societal rules, that genuinely don’t make sense to me.
And I don’t mean they don’t make sense as a way of saying I don’t like them.
I mean I really don’t get it.
I don’t get the big deal about unfollowing people. I don’t get the big deal about ending relationships because you’re no longer aligned. I don’t get why launching a business, realizing it’s taxing the hell out of you, and deciding to refund everyone has to be some catastrophic failure.
It does not feel like the end of the world if I don’t engage with every single post I see. Or if I mute people for a few months. Or if I remove someone from following me because I feel weird seeing them like my posts or watch my stories.
And I have been called weird, a bitch, or some variation of a weird bitch for all of it.
The funny thing is, I think I’ve spent years learning all these tiny rules about being agreeable online: follow back, don’t unfollow, interact, reciprocate, don’t make someone wonder why you disappeared, don’t change too dramatically, don’t offend the people who knew the previous version of you.
Then creativity asks almost the opposite of you.
It requires enough freedom to follow your own curiosity even when your choices look inconsistent, strange, selfish, or confusing from the outside.
And I’m realizing these past few months that, in order for me to be my most creative self, I’m going to have to be a weird bitch.
I’m going to have to get used to pissing people off for the sake of adding more joy to my own life.
I cannot become who God has called me to be if I’m afraid to post my art and my words. I can’t do it if every time I log on, I compare myself to everyone else—something I’ve been working through in therapy for years. And I definitely can’t do it if I’m afraid to say bitch in my writing because I’m worried the saints are going to flood my messages telling me I’m demonic.
I’m realizing that I’m going to have to be me to the fullest.
That is the only way this life—this creative life of writing, painting, content creating, and whatever else I decide I want to make—is ever going to be sustainable.
Because, to be honest, I don’t care to attract everyone anymore.
I want to attract my people.
Little weirdo women who feel deeply and experience things differently. Women who love God but also love the way a good cuss word rolls off their tongue when they’re playing spades with their family every holiday. Women who simultaneously know exactly who they are and have no idea who the hell they are.
Maybe this publication will be a little like that, too.
I don’t know that I want to promise you a schedule. I’m not sure I even want to promise you a niche. I want to write about the things I’m curious about: creativity and books and travel and God and making things and all the tiny things that make life feel lighter, more joyful, and more creative.
If that isn’t for you, you can unsubscribe. I mean that sincerely. No hard feelings. No social etiquette requiring us to stay together until the end of time.
But if any of this sounds like you, I hope you stay.
And if you’re new here, hi.
I’m Isis. A weird bitch, writer, travel photographer, housewife, book lover, and a million other little things I’m forgetting to name because of ADHD.
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44 thoughts on “If I Want to Be Creative, I Have to Be a Weird Bitch”
My first time cussin online and my heart is THUMPING 😭🤣 I didn’t realize just how afraid I was to be 100% me!
Love it girl! Keep going! The real weirdos are conforming to social media rules like its real life! Authenticity will attract your* tribe!
You know what, heck yes!!! It’s so strange that we’ve created a mold that people have to fit into in order to “succeed”! It’s draining and depressing!!! Thank you so much for the encouragement!!🥹 happy/grateful to have you here!!
You inspired me to write my first substack today.. I needed a space to birth this community & I see that a friend of mine created a page & wrote her first substack today as well 🤍✨ you never know who or how your inspiring people, thank you!
I love that for you!! Early congratulations!!! Please send it to me (if you want) incase it doesn’t pop up in my feed!!
We listen and we don’t judge😂. We can stand to lighten up a bit. I can definitely relate. I very rarely cuss at all. I do tend to N-bomb a lot and that ruffles feathers at times. Like I typically have to be really mad or its a joke punchline, but when I do I feel the same and then I will shrug like oh well. At least I’m being me. It’s like y’all thinking it and I’m just gonna go say it! Better out than in and honestly the world will stay in motion. Loved the article.
I also follow unfollowed and follow again because sometimes I’m feeling it and sometimes I need a break and I think it’s OK! It doesn’t bother me at all either!
Bahaha!! I love that!! I cuss in a joking manner — watching football, laughing with my sister, etc! Which is why it has never made its way through to my writing (99% of the things I write don’t require cursing and probably won’t this point forward lol). But the FEAR I felt writing this article and the fear I feel getting online and just being a jokester sometimes made me realize that social media had me in chains!!!! I hope this frees others! Whether their version of cuss words is being goofy online, or following a new hobby, or simply showing up as who they are!!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts / feelings on it & reading!🥰
Of course and yassss we gots to be free! 🙌🏾
Let me tell you sumthin’ right now…yes ma’am and yes ma’am. Isis, as you have done so many times in this parasocial relationship of ours you’ve yanked the thoughts right out my head! Whooo chile, I just…thank you for writing this and why get caught in the creative twirl of what niche is this. You are the niche!
😭❤️😂 hahaha!! From your brain to mine!!! Thank YOU for commenting!! It’s soothing my nerves!! You know me enough to know I was SCARED posting this but we have to just BE. We can not be caught in some weird social media bondage!!
Proud of you! I got the notification and said Ooop! This must be serious! 😂
As for the following and unfollowing, the people will be okay. You’re just using your free will and they don’t understand that.
LOOOOOLL!!! 😂😂😂 listen, I still won’t be cussing much moving forward, but I just wanted to set the precedent of what this season is for me — being unapologetically me!!! Rebuilding on my terms and (hopefully) giving folks “permission” to do it to!!!
Isis, I am so glad that you’re finding your freedom and not being controlled by certain societal standards. Using the “following” situation that you’ve shared, you are not harming anyone by being mindful of what you consume. I am proud of you for that. You appear to have a good moral compass. Most of the time, the rest of the rules is noise and people’s egos. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. I feel so seen and related to when you post. I appreciate it more than you know <3
I love that you pointed that out, Salena! I’m starting to realize if it’s not harming someone or myself — physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially… harming in any way! Who cares? You’re right, there’s alot of ego involved. I just hope this helps someone else look at their lives and see where they’ve been held prisoner — whether it be a poem they’re afraid to write or a career they’re afraid to chase! Thank you so much!!
I enjoyed reading every worddddd and resonated with so much of your sentiments and thought process! Let me say:
1. I find it so interesting that you compare yourself to others bc whenever I see you online, I’m in awe of how brilliant and talented and accomplished you are.
2. I love being a weird bitch
3. Creating without boundaries or being niched down, adhering to a schedule, etc speaks my ADHD language to a teeeeee
Keep being you, Isis. I’ve stuck around through so many of your content pivots (think I came anround in your teaching days) and honestly, it’s partly what keeps me interested. Seeing the same type of content from some people tends to make me scroll right on by LOL
Oh Apryl! Stop!😭 you know I am a crybaby and so sentimental but THANK YOU!!! you know — I think I struggle with comparison because there’s so many things I’ve wanted to create in the past but I say on the ideas so long and I’d see other people do it beautifully!! So, it made me feel… late to the party? Or shame that I didn’t execute! A few big feelings honestly, but the more I do thing like this — be authentically me and putting this out without overthinking — the less I compare!!
Also I LOLed at #2😂😂😂 weirdos unite!!!! Thank you so much for reading AND sharing this, Apryl!! We’re just going to keep growing together!!!🥹❤️
The scripture of the day (via the Bible App) is Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
This is also one of my “sword scriptures.” I’m going through something similar with the balance between having self control as a Christian and the things I enjoy. I say that to say- GIRL!!! BE YOU!!!! 🥹Your people are finding you. It’s a beautiful thing.
Ooohhhh this is good Jas!!! Thank you for sharing this — I’m actually going to make this scripture (and probably chapter) my Bible study for the morning!! If you ever feel up to writing it, I’d actually love to hear about this season for you!! I relate so much to just this small bit you shared. But I know we sometimes need time to sit with things to write from wisdom and not “explosion”. I appreciate you so much!!
Absolutely, I think as I’m sitting in it, and praying more about it, I’ll want to share more, and when I do, I’ll make sure you share it with you. In the meantime, I really hope this scripture gives you some freedom. Because God calls us to be uniquely WEIRD, and true to ourselves!
Girl let me tell you how I was immediately gagged (in the best way) when I saw this newsletter title hit my inbox! This was a refreshing read! I am so glad you are committing to being perceived as a weird bitch if that means you get to show up authentically YOU! As someone who lifts my hand up in praise on Sunday morning, and curses out my brother in the middle of a domino game by Sunday dinner, I am with you! These things do not compete. If anything, this article has only expanded my adoration of you! Kudos to you girl. Welcome to being a weird bitch haha!
I adore you too!! You know one word that sticks with me in what you said — PERCEIVED!!!! Others people opinions and perceptions of us doesn’t make it fact!!!🫶🏾 and girl dominos?!? You’re an OG😂 idk why but I don’t think I REALLY know how to play dominos!! lol
A great read, here for it, always happy to see you follow freedom! <3
I appreciate you so much Ash!! Also miss your face!!! What’s your schedule like these days?! I’m going to have to plan some virtual meetups with you in mind!!
Yesss! Monday afternoons are chill days for me now and some Sundays too. Can’t wait to show up for something loll
lol let me look at my schedule next Monday! I’m serious!!
Oo I would love that! Yes please 😊
Yesssss!!!
😭🫶🏾 thank you Mariah!!! This post felt a little raw so your comment is encouraging!!
This was a very real ass post tbh! Probably the realest thing I’ve seen this month so far. Thank you Isis 🫶🏾
Wow!! Thank you T!!!🥹 it was so freeing to write! I sat down this morning feeling like I had no idea what to write but then I said to myself “nah you know what to write, you just need to stop being scared and say it” lol
Glad to be here.
Happy to have you!!
I hear you b***h.
Let’s roll !
Woot Woot! Let’s do this!!!!
I have to say when I first read the title I cringed a little with the b word and then as I read your post I was like OKAY!! These words stopped me in my tracks: “in order for me to be my most creative self, I’m going to have to be a weird bitch. I’m going to have to get used to pissing people off for the sake of adding more joy to my own life. I cannot become who God has called me to be if I’m afraid to post my art and my words.” I certainly prefer not to cuss but I still do sometimes too and I’d like not to be so hard on myself about it. Thank you for writing this post.
Oh girl I cringed writing it too, at first! Now reading it back, I’m so proud of myself. I used to be so hard on myself when I cussed too and learned from a few mentors & pastor that “cursing” in the bible meant using our words to invoke harm, judgment, or ill wishes upon someone! So now I’m similar to you, I still try not to, but also not so hard on myself when I do! All of that to say, I just felt like this one NEEDED to be written to free myself and others from the power we give to other people’s opinions! and sometimes, the power we give to our self judgement! So I appreciate you for having a nuanced perspective and reading past the cringe!! I appreciate you Rosa!!
Oh I’m definitely in the right place 😭❤️
Happy to have you my girl!🫶🏾🥰
Isis, thank you for continuing to unapologetically be yourself. I cried at the line “I want to attract my people…women who simultaneously know exactly who they are and have no idea who the hell they are.” I feel that so profoundly.
Also completely related to being over the absurdity of social media etiquette. I remember when I first downloaded instagram and was scrolling past the photos in my feed, with my friend stopped me and said I needed to “like” the photos of the people I knew. I responded (genuinely confused), “why would I like a photo I don’t actually like?” hahaha
lol!! I had a similar experience once!!! It’s so strange what social media has become!! I’m so grateful to have you here!!💗💗
I am always super inspired by you. I love your writing & this was sooo real! Congrats on choosing you over & over again! ✨💕
I am just seeing this but at the perfect time! I am so grateful for you!♥️
I think I needed to read this. Thank you
This made me love you that much more. Thank you for always being vulnerable and putting to words what some of us are feeling. Weirdos unite 🫶🏽 your people will always find you as long as you keep being YOU. 🥹